Sometimes...

Sometimes when you take a deep breath to calm yourself, you have goosebumps. The brain signals your nerves to relax.

Sometimes when you try to control your tears you voice becomes hoarse and nose waters more.

Sometimes you want to just let go of those tears and wish for big bear bear hug from nowhere. Just a hug.

Sometimes you wish you knew one person who could take all your troubles away in one go. A fairy, maybe.:)

Sometimes you want to feel the mental ecstasy rather than a physical, deliberate one.

Sometimes you hate feeling confused and get frustrated when you cannot put a finger on what exactly it is that you want.

Sometimes you realize things only when you are in a receptive mood.

Sometimes you just want to be completely alone.

Sometimes you wish for a better world.

Sometimes you feel like screaming your heart out.

Sometimes, silence feels to be the most peaceful and the safest place to be in.

Sometimes you wish you could give people everything because you love giving and not expect anything in return just so you don't get hurt.

Sometimes you just want to be heard, truly and faithfully.

Sometimes life really feels beautiful.

Sometimes love feels like a burden.

Sometimes the heart beat of the people you love sounds like a distant music.

Sometimes you want things to be perfect.

Sometimes you want to just feel beautiful rather than look beautiful.

Sometimes you want to just feel the thrill of living on the edge.

Sometimes you just do not feel like thinking.

Sometimes you feel like doing everything that you have been asked not to do simply because you feel that the asked for is not the right thing to do in YOUR dictionary.

And sometimes, you just want to let go and write lines like these just to feel crazy, but relaxed at the end of it all.

One Positive

Just when I thought I would be cherished,
it crashed on me
My waves of beauty,
opened the reality.

I lost myself
thinking I'll find myself again.
But yet again it was all lost on me.

I opened my heart to one beautiful world
It closed itself on me
The one life I had
Began to suffocate me.

I felt clueless
Rendered confused
Wishing my fairy world to grow back on me.

Hanging by a string
feeling the heaviness
clouds forming a thick cover over me.

It killed me inside to leave what I loved
for belief in the same flew away with time.

Patience grew out on me
leaving room for frustration to seep in...

It's easy to speak
but the effort it takes
to get over the negativities
the hardest it is for me.

Life is hard to some
I feel to be one
Maybe because my emotions fill...

But I feel the need to reach out
so to know, two negatives will always make
ONE POSITIVE

Multifariousness

Every time I go for an interview I am trying to convince people that I am good for the job profile they are offering. The situation which occurs as a result of that, is a foot in mouth one. Because I believe I am not good for any ONE particular job. I have undertaken a lot of activities in my life which are either meaningful or meaningless and it just so happens that I come across as a confused person to people. Well, it’s not that I am unsure of what I want to do; it’s just that I have varied interests. I like to take up whatever comes my way. Anything that involves writing, creativity, travelling, events, music, sports, helping the world to be a better place(the works), I love to do. I am called a jack of all trades. And somehow, it has been drilled into my brain that it is a bad thing, that there HAS to be one thing that you are a master of. But I like being a jack of all trades.

So, it’s a decision on my account. I want a job which will give me the opportunity to do everything that I love doing. I want a job where I can put all my trades to use-maybe collectively, or separately. I want to convince people about the fact that I am willing to take up anything which interests me. Maybe it's time I be upfront…”I do what stimulates me and if I have applied for your profile, it is because it excites me. All YOU have to do is offer me variety. Because if I try and convince you about why I want your job while my qualifications are something else, you'll just hit blank. 90% of the time form an opinion - 'Oh, she is just confused.' Unless of course, you are willing to hear about my diverse pursuits."

The blind side

Written - 18/3/2010

We always believe that what we have is insufficient. “Maybe, if we just have one more of those yummy ice creams, it would satiate the craving.” But does it, really?

For the first time in my life I saw a movie which made me cry right from its very beginning (And I am just going to accept the fact that I am a sensitive and an extremely emotional person). It’s funny though, how I find it difficult to watch people cry, to see them sad, to see them hungry or to see them forlorn and lost. I look at my own country and each time I travel by train, I wish that I had magical powers so I could clean up and provide homes to the homeless. I see the kids begging on the street and it takes half a second for my eyes to become misty. I refrain from giving them money. Because those pieces of paper just make you lose your wits. It makes you want all the things you probably don’t need. But it felt good to hand over a cup of an unfinished drink or an uneaten apple. The poor little growling stomach will be happy for a while.

In my life, everything has been about me. How I wanted to do design? Or how my job opportunities look bleak at this moment? Each day I tell myself to be patient. Some days I think about the shoes I want to buy. Or how it would be nice to wear something and impress people. And at times it feels as if the life starts and ends there. Like only you and all the materialist things which give momentary satisfaction exist.

I am thinking now and it’s just a simple but true story, about a teenage homeless black (no offense!) boy who gets adopted by “white” parents, that is springing up these thoughts. I am digging out my blind side.

The boy goes through multiple foster homes and chooses to be homeless when he reaches his teens. But that has only turned him into an amazing human being. He carries around an extra t-shirt in a polythene bag which he washes and wears. He stays at the school gym so he can provide himself with a warm roof on his head. During Thanksgiving when everyone sits in front of the television and watches an American football game, he sits on the dining table and eats his food. His school does an aptitude test on him and surprisingly he scores a 98 percentile on protective instincts. Not something that would come to the mind easily after you see someone twice your size. But something makes him… and he makes him himself. We know that he has a big and a tender heart. What he did not have, was the best environment, a family who’d cater to all his needs, a school where he could learn and a bed to sleep on. It’s a touching scene – his foster mother (played by Sandra Bullock) gives him his own room and tells him about the bed she chose for him. He asks her if it was all his. She agrees. He tells her that he has never had one before. She thinks he is talking about having a room to himself. But he proves her wrong by saying - “a bed”. The mother goes into another room and tries to control her tears in the movie, but I just let them flow. Despite a troubled childhood with his biological mother being a drug addict, he is a beautiful human being.

I do have a bed tonight to sleep on as I write this. And if not the bed I am on, I have at least 5 other beds to choose from. And tomorrow I might wake up at 10 o’clock in the morning and have breakfast served to me on the table and somewhere deep in my heart I know that half the world goes hungry. The struggle has been undertaken by my aunt at whose place I reside as of now. It has been of my parents who will do their best to support me in the coming years as they are doing now. We are lucky, most of you who I know, are. But being ungrateful is just not called for. You either take the easy way out or the hard way. The hard way has a lot of sacrifices to be made, a lot of hardships to be faced. Someday, I’ll have to make that choice, but as of now I know that my mom and dad took the hard way. And they took it happily. It would have been easy for them to shun their duties towards us, to let us go. But they made a choice and the choice was to provide for their kids, HAPPILY.

The movie revolves around more than just the boy. It also revolves around having a heart big enough to provide a place to sleep even if it just for one night. It revolves around the family accepting an unknown stranger into the house. The first night, there are doubts about whether he would steal. But the morning just shows all the bed clothes folded neatly over the sofa where he had slept.

What does it say? It’s a choice we make, it’s the faith we have and it’s the power to believe in the surprises nature offers to you. I will watch this movie at least 10 times and cry double the number of times I watch it, but the slow absorption of what the story has to offer to me will come only after probably the 100th view.

I applied to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and I know they’ll hardly consider a small inexperienced resume of mine as of now. But I still want to give the benefit of doubt. I believe that someday I’ll do great work.

This movie is about helping the undernourished, the underprivileged and believing in what you are out to do for someone. The boy today is an All American Football player. He believed in himself and the family believed in him. It made me so aware of the person I am and how I want to be in future. The idea is to stick with it. The idea is to believe in it. And the idea is to believe in your power. But these ideas need to be capitalized upon. For me, tonight 11.44 PM was the start. A start to what I believe in, the belief in the fairytale world and belief in the fact that good things will always come by your way. I am about to be right in front of the race, of making this world a better place for you and for me. What I need to explore, is THIS KNOWN SIDE.

Mindful vagueness

Trust me, the only thing i can say about this poem is, incoherency at its best. it's so random that i can be sure my brain was in a spin. anyways, all the best in deciphering.

Another mistake?
God knows, it is not
Uncontrollable it seems
But I feel stronger
Do I?

The helplessness gone
Though sadness falls
For “forbidden to remember,
Terrified to forget”

Memories, I hang onto
Time seems to slow
Rain falls harder
My rooftop blows

Calm myself deep inside
Heart burns
Flames lick the surface
Sweet agony

Smile through the tears
Cry in between the laughs
For even I am in the dark
About what I really want

Are things really grey?
Or I refuse to see
How clear they can be.
How easy they seem.

Move on, I wish to
For to stay on
Cannot afford to
It’s just how it is
And it is just how it’ll be

Ecstasy

As the morning dawns each day, I can hear the sound of the birds chirping. For the first time in years I wake up without fighting with my inner being. Oh, the nightmares continue alright. Weird stuff like talking snakes, vampires (been reading a story on vampires) and worse stuff like trying to save my life, etc. It IS more like I am fighting with myself. But that reduces each day. I’ve stopped trying to analyze my dreams (they just don’t make sense!). Because my day is so beautiful that the coming night with the mares hopping alongside it, is just too trivial. It is quite simple, you see. The conscious mind is seeing, hearing and feelings things which are far more worthwhile than the fallacies of the mind.

Before starting this piece, I had just one word spinning around me. Ecstasy(no, not the drug). It kind of got lost somewhere. I think of this word and out come tumbling a few others. Joy, happiness, belief, faith, hope, love… maybe more. The words, simple, even clichéd to some, but each one beautiful in its own sense. The very words I scoffed at and sarcastically laughed at, at the mere mention of them. The words which left no stone unturned to put me on a precarious edge. Today, somehow they seem a lot clearer. What brought on this change? Well, that’s my story - the story of ecstasy.

Running an extra mile even though I felt worse than a panting dog (the kinds who have their tongues out), pushing myself to do one extra lap of the swimming pool with an ‘ex’ broken arm in excruciating pain and begging for mercy. Listening to my absolutely wonderful and adorable father (the culprit behind my ecstasy) telling me that my back swing is quite good to make me perform better at golf with enough practice. And more than that pushing my body to get up early in the morning and getting through the day without an inkling of brood, boredom or curses regarding the same. Oh, I have been caught sleeping on my books, alright. Thrice! But the fact that I could motivate myself inch by inch made all those words come back as if it was resurgence.

One Saturday, I sent up a silent prayer to the invisible power that I was looking for beatitude. And it sure did get dumped on me. Showers of it. Nowadays I catch myself smiling for no rhyme or reason. But it’s just so easily comprehendible that I have fallen in love. For I have fallen head over heels in love with myself. This pure, unconditional love, the faith, the belief compelled the universe to grant me exactly what I wished for.

As I sprinted towards the end of my daily jog, I realized that even if I start in spitting distance from the end, I want to be able to hit the end without even a thought of stopping in the middle. In simple words I wanted to finish whatever I had started. Somehow, the idea of leaving something half finished did not appeal to me. And finishing that simple run brought out the same ecstatic adrenaline rush. The feel of the blood flowing into my face, and suddenly I walk taller, proud of myself and feel the exhilaration, the positive exhilaration. lord!

I very strongly and firmly go by the line ‘la vita e bella’ – life is beautiful. It’s like this line and I are connected - soul mates. And after experiencing the perks of a simple life without any complications, this connection has only deepened. Nothing can ever curb me from reaching for the most beautiful moments of my life. For what I am high on is beyond any drug. I am high on life. I am high on my ecstasy filled life.

Wonder- Wonder

Had written quite a few years ago. was trying to be all philosophical and stuff...he he he.

Sometimes one wonders about the near future. Most of us do, don’t we? And what about some answers? Do they ever come to us? So, this wonder as I put it is like a question. A big one! And the solution to it lies somewhere. Now, here forms another doubt monster - ‘where’? How will it be after today?

Let’s say, most of us even wonder about the immediate tomorrow. Even though we go about our daily routine we speculate whether tomorrow is going to be any different, any better or any worse.

On the account of changing the subject at a minimal degree, at times one marvels at this gift called life and its ambiguity. So unpredictable in nature, isn’t it? Majority of the worlds population believe in fate or that our life is destined to go where it has to go. But if in the next minute I erase whatever thoughts have been printed on paper here, was it meant or happen or did I just disappoint myself with the usage of the words. It is an example, of course, though, not as complicated as life. There probably are instances much more descriptive then the one above.

We believe whatever our mind tells us or want us to believe. Surely, there are times when our mental power does stray towards these questions. We may not discuss it, but somewhere in the background there are queries which can never be answered by anyone. Nor can they be known from a piece of art or a book. It can only be, by the greatest gift to the human kind, the mind, and its ability to think on a far larger horizon.

Illusional dreams

Dreams, crazy dreams. Nightmares! Lots of tossing and turning. Trying to stop those bad guys from catching up with me. I am running and they just keep coming closer. Closer still. I trip, I fall. I keep falling. A feeling of complete weightlessness washes over me. Thud! I land. Feel my breath go out of me. Am I dead? My dream tells me I am. But my conscious mind tells me "Wake up! You are still breathing! You are still alive!." And yes, somehow, I wake. I am too afraid to go back to sleep. Lie awake in the dark willing myself to be vigilant, to keep my eyes from closing shut. They don't agree. They need rest. Sleep comes. It eventually does and this time the mind goes completely blank. Like the dream was an illusion in itself. Was it? Or was it a message to open my eyes to reality.

A-loneliness (poem)

I sit alone
I smile
I sit alone
I cry
I sit alone
I think
I sit alone
I blink
I sat alone
And realized
There was
Much more to life.
I sat alone
I cried
the pain caused
fresh inside.
I sat alone
I smiled
At kids who played
In twilight
I sat alone
I thought
Life is
Way too short.
But as I sat alone
I heard
The music never before
And I sat alone
To feel
The wind swirling
Around me.
Dug a well
Deep of thought
Sitting alone
Brought out
Every emotion
Every doubt
But then I sat alone
And I relaxed.
The breeze calm
The mud fresh
And I relaxed
Closed
Just heard
The sound
Of my heart beat

LOST(poem)

Sometimes you dunno where to run, which way to turn to, where to go....it's like you are in the middle of no where.

Lost...
Lost, i feel
for some say yes
some say no
some travel fast
some go slow
some are happy
some are sad
In their midst
I go mad.

Lost...
More lost
than confused
Frantically search
feeling abused
Abused by the nature
creating a 1000 things
leaves you in a lurch
entangles with rings.

Hollowness surrounds
emptiness prevails
Lost...
Feeling more lost
as darkness tails.
I look around
see no one
tears well up
finding no where to run

Thrash around
pulling at the dark
wanting to be strong,
to make my mark.
But it consumes
for it costs
and realization dawns
Lost...
I AM lost.

FATE

I still remember the day I heard this news. I had been talking to one of my friends grumbling about the fact that my parents were not taking me to that party. I could not believe it. Just could not. For I had met him only a few days ago.........

We knew each other since we were small kids. Our families were neighbours and our dads served in the same unit. He was studying in Sherwood at Nainital and used to come over during vacations. I did not see
much of him but he was like an elder brother. He was brilliant in academics and equally good in sports. One day he happened to join N.D.A., which I think must have been a dream come true for him. After four years of tough training, he graduated from I.M.A. and became a proud lieutenant of the Indian Army. He joined the same unit which his father had commanded. He was the future, the hope and the darling of not only his parents but all of us who belonged to the unit.

During the leave before going for the young officers course he came over home along with his parents. He looked bright and cheerful and full of life. While they were leaving, I asked him “Hey! What do I call u now – uncle or bhaiya?” He was taken aback by the suddenness of the question and left saying that he will think about it. But you know what, I never got the opportunity of calling him either because the cruel hand of fate snatched him away from all of us before I could meet him again.

On 26th July 2003 all of us of 102 Engr Regt in Pune were excitedly looking forward to the unit get together at the officers institute. He looked forward to it too. But on his way to the institute he met with an accident, which by all accounts seems so illogical that it cannot even be described. What a way to go for such a precious life. The years of nurturing went waste in a flash. The hope and the future vanished. LT ANKUR BHATT, son of proud parents Col and Mrs VK BHATT, was here with us now, but so far away in only a moment that it left us all aghast at the way destiny can turn.

My heart would never reconcile to address him as “late” because I know even if invisible, he is here with us and his family for the rest of our lives. But in the end I would like to ask god a question though.
WHY DO YOU NEED PEOPLE ONLY WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS THEM THE MOST??

I LONGED..... (poem)

This is a poem I wrote in my OB(organizational behaviour- I am wondering if I really should have been so specific. :D) class. It was something that came very naturally. I hardly made a mistake while writing it. It's a SENTI poem, so bear with me. But it is dedicated to all the wonderful people in my life, without whom I would not have been what I am today. Cheers to all of you.( I am sure they know that I am talking about them. Mom, dad, brother, my family..... my three best friends and my other really close friends.)


I longed to be better
I longed to strive
I longed to see someone
with a smile to bribe.
The bribe to help me
to do better in life
A hug to encourage
A kiss when I cried.
I longed and longed
turning it to need
Then, as time passed
it turned into greed.
And then.....
Then, I found you
to give me the shoulder
to be my guide
Giving hope
to all that had died.
Life turned
For I fell in love,
in love with all
you had in store for me.
The smile, the hug,
the push, the kiss
filling up the hole
my heart had dug.
Now, as I am away
I long for the touch
the familiarity of the hand
clasped firmly in mine
but the sound of your voice
proves to be just fine.
Cherish the times
Soft and fragile as a feather
and have the faith
that we'll be the same together.
Now this moment
propels me to say
that the longing
has finally gone away.
My heart filled
thoughts high as a queen.
Hope these words tell
Just how much you mean.

‘HORROR’-SCOPE - Strictly for youngsters

This piece was written by me quite a while back. I had taken inspiration from one of my school magazines where the head girl had written on the same lines. It was just one awesome way to lighten the mood, laugh and have fun reading. So, here is my version of it. All modified from the way I had written it earlier.(trust me, you do not want to see the older one) Do bear with a few mistakes. But more than that, ENJOY yourselves.



Aries Mar.21-Apr.20
Aries know how to get their way. Now, we have no doubts about why they spend most of their time outside a class fuming. You know, at being thrown out of it. Basic motto in life: Never give up! Try, try till you succeed. On another note, they can be caring and compassionate too.

Taurus Apr.21-May.21
‘Laughter is the best medicine.’ Once provoked, Taurians can just laugh their butt off. Okay buddy, better have control over that funny bone of yours. One day you might land up in an asylum wondering just how you got there. You got thrown. Joke’s on you.

Gemini May.22-Jun.21
‘Now you see them, now you don’t.’ What does that mean? No worries, I’ll tell you. They have a very elusive behavior. And guess what? Got caught bunking classes. So people, no need to put up with their disappearing act anymore. You’ll find them in detention room for sure.

Cancer Jun.22-Jul.23
To do some things it requires guts. And that’s something Cancerians have in abundance. Take advantage and ask them to do you a favor. But if they get socked, it will hardly be a surprise to see you socked too.

Leo Jul.24-Aug.23
The king (or the highness) of the jungle (No offense, you are being compared to a king, even if it’s of a JUNGLE) is demanding and hates being dependent. Wow, what luck for the future……spouse. Favorite quote: mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of all? (Well, we have no doubts about whom, do we?)

Virgo Aug.24-Sept.23
Damn confusing. They either talk a lot or hardly talk. (God knows, maybe they are shy). But when they do bring out their loquaciousness, they tend to go over the board sometimes and get into an argument. What happens then? WHAM! “Hey…. hey, pal. Why am I seeing stars during daylight?” (Good question)

Libra Sept.24-Oct.23
The most charming of all signs, they try to convince some people of their genuine concern. Its no wonder that people think that they are just poking their nose into their personal business. No one admires a good human being these days, I tell you.

Scorpio Oct.24-Nov.22
Naughty. And boy, are they naughty! Sometimes it makes us wonder why they make frequent visits to the head’s office. They are the ultimate ‘go anywhere do anything’ kind of people. By the way, was that a bomb blast we just heard?

Sagittarius Nov.23-Dec.21
Most Sagittarians are cleanliness freaks. They have a habit of cribbing about things strewn all over the place. Take our advice and never leave your stinking socks lying around or the next thing you know, they would have entered the guineas books of world records for the loudest scream. (Do keep earplugs in handy….for emergency.)

Capricorn Dec.22-Jan.20
Statutory warning: harming the ego of a Capri is dangerous to health. Else, everyone might wonder how you became black and blue. Congratulations, by the way. You just turned multicolored. A message for Capris: throw away the road map for a change for a change and walk the path less traveled.

Aquarius Jan.21-Feb.19
The water bearer is independent and of course, is forever on CLOUD 9#. Let us give you a warning here. Never go for a walk with an Aquarian pal. You never know when you may require transportation to take them to the hospital. (For running into a tree and cracking their skull)

Pisces Feb.20-Mar20
Being an idealist, money means nothing to them. (It’s no wonder why we might find their pockets empty) They don’t want to be a millionaire, just live like one. Well, you better be careful here or there won’t be any dearth of chances of being kicked out of your own home.

[The above ‘horror’ scope has been written with experience, so the readers better not beat me up, after all I applied brains. (I do have them. Period) and the above may hold true for some while others will have quite an aversion to it. (Grin) Cheers!]

Lessons with Death

I think the post here will speak for itself. So, I don't see the need to summarize or enlighten you about it before hand. And as always, different perspectives are welcome.

I hit, I fell. I hit again. This time it was worse. I cried out in pain. Knew exactly where I was bunged up. But as my mind raced through the episode, I knew I was lucky to be alive.

Sometimes life’s like an allegory. It teaches you a lesson. I learned them too.
Maybe in the next couple of lines I will outline the lessons. For some, I maybe just talking through my hat. Some may see it as a means to think about their future. Some may understand and there’ll be only a few who will empathize.

Those who saw death watched it closely, dealt with it and came out dauntless. I am not just talking about people here who have some ailment, or had an accident of sorts. I am also talking about people who saw their comrades die right in front of their eyes. Doctors who couldn't save the new born infant or a soldier who kept pleading with them to save his life. Those who carried their fathers’ bodies to the crematory knowing that that’s a face they won’t see alive again. I am talking about those mothers whose kids have died in their arms. I am talking about those unknown colleagues who ran alongside each other in order to save themselves when the World Trade Center came crashing down. But later, their bodies were never found.

The Indian Para Commandos have this special training system. For those of you who don’t know, it’s called the ‘Buddy’ system. Each soldier undergoing training is assigned a buddy. Definition of a buddy – ‘friend’. Definition of a friend – ‘one attached to another by affection or esteem. A favored companion.’ Definition of a ‘Buddy’ in Paras’ – “When I first look into the eyes of my buddy, I know he’ll be beside me at all times during an operation. He’ll give me water when I am injured and thirsty. He’ll carry my body back home if I die. He’ll have my back and I’ll have his.” That’s just a superficial way of putting it. I am sure it goes much deeper than that.
And only the troopers themselves will be able to give you a better outlook on this structure.

The efforts here are to elucidate the fact that these are the kind of people who see death more closely than anyone else. LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND. The orders are simple. A soldiers’ or a doctors’ life is the mother of all epitomes where man has to deal with death more often than not.

To make the subject a little lighter, I wonder if any of you have seen the movie ‘Meet Joe Black’? A simple movie, but worth a watch. The urge is to engage in confabulation about the movie, but I’ll spare you readers that. ‘Death takes a vacation and falls in love’ is all the movie is about. You might as well see it and unfurl the mystery yourself.

Getting back to our serious death talks, I’ll give you a small silhouette on the lesson I learned. Rather, the LESSONS I learned.

Would it be too lackluster a way for me to put them down in points? I'll do it anyways.

1. Life’s beautiful is the first lesson I learned.

2. I learned to love my parents and try to quit taking them for granted.

3. I learned that if there are 1000 things you are careful about, there’ll be a 1001 thing that’ll spoil it all. But it does not mean that I have a laid back attitude towards those 1000 things. (My dad taught me this)

4. I learned that when I was in pain, I was not the only one. There were strangers around who were going through much worse.

5. The true test of any relationship is in adverse situations. I had wonderful parents, a lovely family and great friends who cared immensely for me. I learned to try and respect them.

6. I learned to be brave, strong and independent even in disability.

7. I learned to laugh at my own stupidity, at the situation I was in and also during it. (I had some help there, for there were folks who did their best to make THAT activity happen! But I can’t begin to tell you how much my shoulder smarted because of it shaking in absolute mirth. You see, I had broken my shoulder bone.)

8. I learned that no matter how bad I looked on the outside, when I smiled, I looked beautiful and well enough to anyone who passed by.

9. I learned to believe in that external force, which decided that the Angel of Death did not need me yet.

10. And lastly, I learned to be happier with whatever life had to offer to me. It takes efforts, it is still taking efforts, but I am getting there.

These are just one odd of the major ones. Humans deal with catastrophic situations at some stage of their lives or the other. What they uncover from it is what makes a difference. The whole idea of writing this is not to preach or sermonize, but to send out the usual message which may sound like a cliché to most of us.

‘Sometimes God gives you a long time to live. Sometimes He snatches it away way before than expected. It’s not what you did that made it worthwhile; it’s what you cultivated out of whatever you did that made it worthwhile. The thrill of living is in being satisfied and living with no regrets.’

Cheers to all.

The Girl Child

Most people wondered why a 19 year old girl(now 20) would write something this deep. Everytime someone read this piece, they had a question for me, "What made you write this?" I honestly have no concrete answer to it, but for the fact that I myself long for a girl child and that she is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to anyone. So, to all you readers out there....Never give your girl up, DONT kill her before she is even born. You'll never know what is in store for you. Life's full of surprises, isn't it? So, why shy away from it?


Each day passes by and I long to see that entrancing smile, the big round innocent eyes, to hear that musical laughter and hold your hands in mine. Each day brings some thought as to how beautiful you are going to be when you open your eyes in this new world.

People may call me funny, fatuous, and even laugh at me for forming a kingdom of my own dreams consisting of just you and me. But, oh, how I long to hold you in my arms just to watch you look up at me with those big bambi eyes and smile knowing that I’ll always be there to take care of you and love you as I would never love anyone on this planet. In our kingdom, you will be the princess who would bring about nothing but plethora of joy and hope to this empty world.

The first ray of sunshine, and I will know that I have been gifted love, the love I could never gain from any other man or woman.

All four seasons I will feel nothing but sheer pleasure of having you with me in an otherwise cold world. My heart aches to embellish you with the jewels of an angel and with a happy sigh two words will escape my lips - my angelic princess.

Being only human, there are certain fears, but life without you scares me the most. You will be this ethereal being, the one I could look at forever and never tire. You will be the heart of my body, the air that I breathe and the beautiful dreams of my crazy mind.

And once you are in my arms, my princess, I will cherish you forever and till death do us apart. And today, that’s a promise I vow never to break.

MY - the word often used.

This is probably going to be the shortest piece I have written. As the title suggests, the word MY is being used often. I have a live example and it also was the inspiration to make me write this. If you decide to notice closely all my posts' titles are starting with 'MY'. Why? Is it all mine? If I am true to myself, it's not.

There are these beautiful lines in the newspaper today(The Times of India) which caught my attention. His Holiness Dalai Lama says, "Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationship with others."

The word 'My' rarely does exist. Most of our actions are in accordance with the people around us. A family survives because they live for each other. Nature calls for animals to hunt other animals or even for that matter man to hunt these animals. We eat everyday because there are farmers growing crops for us. Everything in this world was not made for us. It's the very greed that makes us no less than animals. Nothing belongs to us because once we die, we dont die with what we call "mine" except the name, which also if you think logically, is not entirely ours. Because if not one, there are atleast two people in the world with the same name.

Innocuous statements....maybe just an incentive for people to think including me MYself. And different perspectives are always welcome.
All the best.

My French Connection

I shall make this short and sweet. My dog is simply ADORABLE. Read on....


I sat in a precarious position on the edge of the sofa, trying in vain to ward my dog off from scratching my legs anymore than he already had. The red marks on my legs (long enough for a 172cm tall girl), seemed eminently fascinating. In my opinion, they made cute red designs against the cream of the skin.

Sure you are wondering whether the bone of contention here is my dog or the trademarks of that very same animal. By the way, he is called, Bonzo.
So, I shall do the honour of elucidating the subject matter here, which definitely is Bonzo. Did you have to guess?
Now that we are clear on that piece, let me delineate the salient features of this LITTLE creature.

First glance and I will not be surprised if you ask me, “Was he dropped on his nose when a pup?” While most dogs have a muzzle, mine sports ‘hardly a muzzle’. Here, let me highlight his breed which is a French bulldog. Do bear with the fact that he half looks like a pig (No, he doesn’t grunt!). You pass the door or ring the doorbell, each sound will have him running towards the front door (slipping all over the tiles), barking his loudest. It is his way of making his presence felt while otherwise I would have simply termed him taciturn. But, I would not really ask you to believe that because an occasional whine does come when he wants food or as we humans say, would like to relieve himself.

Flamboyant ears connected to an equally flamboyant head which is turn is joined to his ‘slightly extra fat’ body. I may not know about you, but without doubts, this “innocent looking” four legged animal is as adorable as they come.

Most people would agree with me that dogs have three MAJOR pastimes. And these are sleeping, eating and staring at those eating in an extremely guileless way. Bonzo has a third one attached to his, which I can define in just two words – sock fetching. Remember the girl who got scratched in the beginning of this masterpiece. Well, it all actually begins with those two very words. Cheers!

My Life or a Teenager's?

I have no idea what overcame me that I wrote this piece of work, but I am sure all those who ARE in their teens and all those who WERE, both would understand it. Perception is what matters. Isnt there a famous saying? "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder".
Read and start thinking.:)


There is so much stuff I have written in my life, but never once about MY life (yes, I do decide to emphasize on that particular word). So, here it goes. Or rather, here I go.

I write in my most vulnerable state, about the things which any normal teenager goes through. I will not exactly call myself a normal teenager, but I am getting there.
You may say that this 19 (almost 20) year old is a little rebellious, a little eccentric, a slight (okay, maybe lots) craver of carte blanche. The point is, one can be very different, so totally based on their own dogmas of life, completely based on their own logic, that their surroundings find it difficult to comprehend or decipher them. I definitely belong to this category. And the biggest catch of it all is that I find it an extremely arduous task to explain this very logic to the crowd. Maybe one could tell me how to delineate or outline the self-logic to, at times relentless, intractable crowd.

I may even guarantee that more than 70% of us feel the way I feel. We feel the desperate need to do our own thing, to feel and to explore this world. But the forces of nature are not always under our command. On another note, maybe we should not expect them to be, because they never work at anyone’s command. But then, they don’t work for us either. There was a quote by Logan Pearsall Smith that I came across during my continued surfing of the internet (not an unusual activity where we are concerned, I’ll give you that).

“Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his own”.

And it could only make me think deeper and deeper. Maybe it was true. If it is, then, can the crowd I spoke about earlier see the way it is expected to be seen? Then again two words instantly form in my “young” mind – maybe, maybe not.

We teenagers are decried, berated, subjected to a lot of criticism in our life. If I could, I would add many more synonyms here. Agreed it is for our own good. But can one ALWAYS know the well-being of another?

We do try to form a win-win situation between ourselves and the rest of the world. All that occurs is a win-lose situation. Well, mostly! Somehow, this sentence reminds me of a poem I had read in ‘Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul’. It is very easy to write a short summary of it here.

‘A girl goes to this store dressed shabbily and as if she is the most colorful creature on this planet. In our language, they are called ‘the Punks’. The security guard doesn’t take his eyes off her, somehow, quite vehemently believing that she would steal. So, when the alarm actually goes off, he makes his way towards this girl in utmost surety just to see her pay for her blue nail paint while the rest of the security nabs a well dressed woman.’ I am sure there isn’t even a need to guess who the culprit is.

Prejudices, pre-assumptions all formed in our favor. I should not use the word ‘favor’ but then I am not sure if I can find a better one as I am half wanting to sleep. But is it fair? Why is there a need to be so biased? Is it that difficult to accept us the way we are?

I know I have deviated from the main point. It all started with my life and has come down to our life. So, maybe I have already gotten there. Maybe, I am one of the normal teenagers. And very soon I will 'have been' one of the normal teenagers. Well, the age changes, but the spirit doesn’t.

Angel on Earth (poem)

This was a poem I had written for my Mother's birthday about a year and a half ago. I never could think of a suitable title for it then and didn't give it one. But today, when I re-typed it here, it just sprung open. I never knew but she is an angel in disguse. She may behave otherwise sometimes(he he he :D), but I know in my hearts of hearts that she is. Cheers to all 'ANGEL' moms out there.
Here goes....


I opened my eyes
Unfocused
Not knowing this new world.
Unclear, uncertain
These eyes searched for some light
And there it was!
In the smile
Of the first my kind I saw.
The face I came to recognize
The face of my mother.
I put out my hand
And felt it being clasped
In a warmer one.
I came to trust that hand
Knowing it'll be there
Whenever I fall.
18 now
I look behind
And I see her there
Pushing me, urging me
Teaching me
To face the world
And no matter how old I grow
I will always know
In body, with me or not
Her force of love and care
Forever will be there
Raising me, making me stronger
So that in this crazy world
I last longer.
With my head held high
No regrets
And the love bestowed on me by her
Safely locked in my heart.