As the morning dawns each day, I can hear the sound of the birds chirping. For the first time in years I wake up without fighting with my inner being. Oh, the nightmares continue alright. Weird stuff like talking snakes, vampires (been reading a story on vampires) and worse stuff like trying to save my life, etc. It IS more like I am fighting with myself. But that reduces each day. I’ve stopped trying to analyze my dreams (they just don’t make sense!). Because my day is so beautiful that the coming night with the mares hopping alongside it, is just too trivial. It is quite simple, you see. The conscious mind is seeing, hearing and feelings things which are far more worthwhile than the fallacies of the mind.
Before starting this piece, I had just one word spinning around me. Ecstasy(no, not the drug). It kind of got lost somewhere. I think of this word and out come tumbling a few others. Joy, happiness, belief, faith, hope, love… maybe more. The words, simple, even clichéd to some, but each one beautiful in its own sense. The very words I scoffed at and sarcastically laughed at, at the mere mention of them. The words which left no stone unturned to put me on a precarious edge. Today, somehow they seem a lot clearer. What brought on this change? Well, that’s my story - the story of ecstasy.
Running an extra mile even though I felt worse than a panting dog (the kinds who have their tongues out), pushing myself to do one extra lap of the swimming pool with an ‘ex’ broken arm in excruciating pain and begging for mercy. Listening to my absolutely wonderful and adorable father (the culprit behind my ecstasy) telling me that my back swing is quite good to make me perform better at golf with enough practice. And more than that pushing my body to get up early in the morning and getting through the day without an inkling of brood, boredom or curses regarding the same. Oh, I have been caught sleeping on my books, alright. Thrice! But the fact that I could motivate myself inch by inch made all those words come back as if it was resurgence.
One Saturday, I sent up a silent prayer to the invisible power that I was looking for beatitude. And it sure did get dumped on me. Showers of it. Nowadays I catch myself smiling for no rhyme or reason. But it’s just so easily comprehendible that I have fallen in love. For I have fallen head over heels in love with myself. This pure, unconditional love, the faith, the belief compelled the universe to grant me exactly what I wished for.
As I sprinted towards the end of my daily jog, I realized that even if I start in spitting distance from the end, I want to be able to hit the end without even a thought of stopping in the middle. In simple words I wanted to finish whatever I had started. Somehow, the idea of leaving something half finished did not appeal to me. And finishing that simple run brought out the same ecstatic adrenaline rush. The feel of the blood flowing into my face, and suddenly I walk taller, proud of myself and feel the exhilaration, the positive exhilaration. lord!
I very strongly and firmly go by the line ‘la vita e bella’ – life is beautiful. It’s like this line and I are connected - soul mates. And after experiencing the perks of a simple life without any complications, this connection has only deepened. Nothing can ever curb me from reaching for the most beautiful moments of my life. For what I am high on is beyond any drug. I am high on life. I am high on my ecstasy filled life.
